Are you hurting? Good. Because now the hurt is over.
Behold the new EP from saint-at-large Ed Shepp, Songs of Inspiration for People Who Are Hurting.
This revolutionary EP, this seminal moment in the history of music, exists to bring comfort, inspiration and even a smile to the masses of the world who are going through the hardcore ish that life sometimes throws our way. If you're hurting, this EP is for you.
But how do I know if I'm hurting?
Good question. 5589 out of 5590.5 psychotherapists estimate that everything that everyone ever does is because they're hurting. So if you've done something today, odds are you're hurting, and that you're not alone. In double-blind studies at medical research centres all over the globe, listening to this Ed Shepp EP led to FULL REMISSION of hurting symptoms in ~99.47631% of patients diagnosed by world-class psychologists with world-class hurting. That's 99.47632% better results than placebo, psychotherapy and throwing phones.
If you're hurting, this EP will help you deal with your ish. But don't hoard this wonderful gift for yourself, like an investment banker or Madonna. If you know someone who's hurting, play it for them too. Here are a couple examples of who this EP can help:
-- Are your neighbors having loud sex, keeping you up at night and destroying quality knitting time? If they are, it's because they're hurting. Play this the next time they're making all that noise. They'll be smiling, and you'll have spread Peace on Earth.
-- Is your coworker being a dinkus, or do you want him to think that you think that he's being a dinkus and that you're punishing him for it? He's probably hurting. Don't punish him with Celine Dion or Diamanda Galas. Relieve his hurting by playing this EP on repeat.
-- Have you been torturing political prisoners but not been able to get information? Maybe the problem is that they're hurting. Play them this EP repeatedly, and they might finally talk.
-- Is your wife constantly bitching at you to take out the trash, even though if she'd stop painting her nails for a second she could just do it herself and not spoil your communion with The Simpsons? She's hurting. Play this EP at a volume that will drown out her complaining. And feel peace.
There are many more uses for this world-changing EP. Explore the EP and find them yourself. You will most definitely be relieved of your hurting, and you will be bringing positive energy into the world.
Songs of Inspiration for People Who Are Hurting, the new EP by Ed Shepp. Spread the love.
-- Bob Dylan
Download average quality (128kbps) quality links by clicking on the track names below, or download high-quality (320kbps) mp3s by clicking the song icons beneath the track listing.
Songs of Inspiration for People Who Are Hurting
"...a soul-wrenchingly heartbreakingly beautiful tour-de-force" --G. Maryash
"The best remedy around for people who are dealing with ish." --Oprah Winfrey
"A beautiful, selfless act of love for humanity" --His Holiness The Dalai Lama
"A tremendous honor" --Christina Aguilera
"I wish I was him." --Celine Dion
"[dolphin squeaks of approval followed by extensive melisma]" --Mariah Carey
"My butt will treasure these songs forevermore." --Kim Kardashian
"Wha?" --Amy Winehouse
"Better than blow." --Linsday Lohan
"I thought it said 'people who have herpes' " --Katie Couric
"The best therapy of all." --Sigmund Freud
"It made me feel so good I painted the room yellow." --Sylvia Plath
"I feel another book coming on." --Elizabeth Wurtzel
"I feel the comfort from the other side." --Elizabeth Taylor